203. TEN new things about you.

1. I learned that when it comes to beer, I don't like it. When it comes to rum, 14 shots is my limit.
2. I ain't exactly attractive with black hair. Luckily,  that was just a temporary thing.
3. I hate mosh pits. Thank you Johnny Boy for introducin' me, but I dont think I'm goin' back in one any time soon.
4. Oh! Johnny and me, we's been datin' for a little while. He actually don't mind my little brothers. Or Daddy, which is surprisin'.
5. I bought a dress. Well, I didn't buy it, I'm just kinda just usin' it for a little bit. I guess my aunt's gettin' married, and I'm one a her bridesmaids.
6. I quit my job down at the local store. I'm now a full time mechanic.
7. I'm a PTA mom now. Well. Not really a PTA mom really, more like a PTA big sister.
8. I done developed an allergy to cats.
9. Tried vinegar on broccoli. Not bad, I like it.
10. New cell phone, compliments of the boyfriend.

205. TEN things you want to change in your life.

1. Being a PTA big sister. There's no reason Momma can't skip out on 15 minutes of work to make it to the meetings.
2. My livin' situation. Johnny's been tryin' to get me to move in with him. And I want to. But I can't leave Daddy.
3. I should probably exercise a little more. Gotta stay healthy, right?
4. I would absolutely love to change how much I make. You know, add like 4 zeros on to my salary. Not sayin' it'll ever happen, but it'd be nice.
5. I kinda wish things happened differently with Momma. Is that wrong? I won't apologize, cos what's done is done. But. Still. Maybe I'll work on this one.
6. I wanna get more musically diverse. Yeah. That'd be cool.
7. Not feelin' responsible for Daddy would be nice, but I don't think that's gon' change any.
8. I really oughta donate more to charities. Matter fact -- as soon as I'm done this, I'm gonna go down to do that.
9. More karaoke needs to be done. You can never do enough karaoke.
10. You know what'd be cool? Bein' bilingual. Yeah. Maybe I'll go out and learn me some Spanish. No! Espanol. I'll learn me some Espanol.

So here we go: I've done had not one date, but three with Johnny boy. He seems real nice, bought me dinner every time. First place me took me to was a real quaint country bar, wasn't real busy so we's could hear each other talkin'. Live band and everything, they was real good. Second time it was this place in New Orleans, this cajun place. We had a chicken wing eatin' contest -- he says he let me win, but I beat him 27 to 24. After that we went walkin' around the city for a while, just talkin' and learnin' 'bout one another. He kept askin' 'bout my family. And I know that's what you're s'posed to do when you're on a date, talk about family and stuff like that, but. I just don't know. I don't think that my family is somethin' that's just gonna be fond of. I kinda feel like it's gon' scare him off. So I didn't say much. Just that my three brothers are older, moved out. That I live with Daddy, and my younger brothers live with our momma and their daddy. He didn't say much more than me. His daddy died when he was in high school, his momma and stepdaddy raised him and his two sisters, he's the middle kid just like me.

On the third date, which was just last night, we went to a drive-in movie. One of them old movies, with Marilyn Monroe. Some Like It Hot, it was called. Missed some parts of it 'cos we was busy suckin' face, but we got the jist of things that was happenin'.

He done asked me out again tonight, but Daddy ain't left on another one of his town-hoppin' adventures yet. I didn't tell him that, course, cos heaven only knows what he'd think of that. I just told him that I'd take a raincheck, that I had to babysit my brothers for the next few nights. Ain't exactly a lie. I do, tomorrow night and the one after that. There really wasn't any reason that I couldn't go out tonight, besides Daddy passed out drunk in the back yard. I'll drag him inside to bed in an hour or so.

Give the fire ants time to get to him.

[OOC: Sorry about the gap between the last post and now. I've been out of town -- Las Vegas, actually -- and didn't have a computer handy.]

Okay, so it's been a while since I've written. And I got...not a good reason, but a reason. See, with Daddy's drinkin' takin' up so much of my pay checks, the power kinda got shut off at our place. Tuck had to help me to get it turned back on, and I worked a few extra hours to pay him back.

And somethin' kinda happened this week. I met a guy, a real Rico Suave type one, at work the other day...he asked me out, and I said no. Well, he came in the next day and asked again. And like the first time, I said no. The next day, no sign of him. And the day after, he came in and asked again. "Third time's a charm, Sweet Cheeks," he told me. So I said yes, and he stopped botherin' me. But he done called the other day, after I got my phone turned back on, and is gonna take me out later this week. His name's Johnny.

And as soon as that happens, I'll let y'all know how that goes. But for now, Daddy's drunk and hollerin' for dinner.

After three and a half days, Daddy finally decided to grace the town with his presence. Made sure I "didn't worry my pretty little head off," really, because I "don't gotta worry 'bout him." And I assured him that I didn't. Even though I might've, just a little bit. Juuust a little bit. Apparently, he spent the last three days wanderin' the neighborin' county with a lady friend.

And he can't even remember her name.

Before he came back, I had the house tidy.  Entirely cleaned. If he was gone tomorrow, too, I was thinkin' about pressure washin' the outside of the house. I washed both of our cars while Cole and Finn were jokin' about Daddy finally lettin' his drinkin' get the best of him, sayin' he was probably layin' in some ditch just outside of New Orleans. That was just before I slapped 'em both upside the head and sprayed 'em with the hose.

And when he got home, he was actually sober. Which was somethin I hadn't seen in about...two weeks before he left? He was sober, with one hell of a hangover. I made it a point to be as loud as I could. Bangin' around in the kitchen while cookin' him dinner, blastin' music, tv loud, and speakin' slightly louder whenever I spoke within his earshot.

Work was kinda boring. Shift started at 7 a.m., and at about 8 I get a call from Cole's girlfriend, not that I can remember her name, because it changes every week or so. Besty, maybe? I don't know, some name that reminds me of cows. But anyway. He'd done been in a wreck, as he pulled outta Sean Jr. and AJ's school in the city. Well, the cars stop to let him go, and some guy in a shitty li'l old Ford decides that he don't wanna slow down. So as Cole's finishin' the right turn, the Ford gets over into the left lane, which is the turn lane, and the asshole's goin' a cool 50 when he hits Cole's front left fender. Now. Cole's a big boy, standin' at 6'3", and he's done got the muscle to go with it. He gets out, and scares the livin' shit outta the guy, and the cop too, but still got a ticket. So I flew outta work to get him, make sure he was okay. Finn couldn't take any more work off or he'd lose his job, and Tuck is the typical oldest sibling and is critical of us younger ones. And he wasn't gonna go and be bothered with somethin' as minor as a bent fender on Cole's big ol' GMC truck. When I got there, he was fine. I followed him home, made sure he was okay. I made him lay down, made him soup and a nice glass of whiskey, and put on his favorite porno before heading back to work. I made up the two hours I missed, driving to and from the city, out to Cole's house. I got back at a little after 10 a.m., and I worked from then until 9 tonight. It was a boring end to a long, boring day.

And...my phone just rang. Momma, she left a voicemail. Wants to know if I'll come over now to watch the kids? Um. I love those boys to death, but it's 2 a.m. Y'alls trip to the kinky store can wait until daylight.

I have to get a shower and crawl in bed, I'm opening the store again later today. And I'm gonna clank around in the A/C unit, see if I can't fix that, too.






 

An empty house.

That's what I came home to early this morning after Momma finally decided to relieve me from my duties of raisin' her kids. I guess Daddy still ain't been home yet, tonight makes night three I guess. If he ain't home tomorrow night, then...I guess I'll call the police. But they know Daddy, so I'm not sure they'll take it much more seriously than I will.

And that probably sounds really bad, that I don't take my Daddy's disappearin' acts for anything serious. 'Cause...what if he has been in an accident? (Even though our little bodunk town only has two stop lights?) What if he's passed out skunk drunk on the side of some road three towns from here?

Well, then, I s'pose I'd feel a little foolish.

...Would it be bad for me to feel...relieved? That I don't gotta take care of Daddy no more? Cole and Finn say that I'd be better off with Daddy dead and gone, they always talk about takin' him out back and doin' him in like Old Yeller. A terrible thing to say about your own daddy, but it's somethin' they're always sayin' they're gonna do. Of course, they'll never really do it, unless Louisiana has some sorta assisted suicide law. And Daddy ain't never gonna go for nothin' like that, problems and all.

But I s'pose if somethin' happened to Daddy...I'd just ask Mamaw Jones to move in. (She'd be Momma's mom.) She ain't fond of Daddy. Or Momma. But she likes me. For whatever reason, she thinks that her only granddaughter "has a set of solid steel balls."

Anyway, what was I talkin about? Oh, the house bein' empty. I'd like to know that Daddy's okay, but I like my few days every couple of months to have the house to myself. Give me a chance to clean, maybe get some laundry done. Hell, every once in a great while, I'll even wash my car. Dare I say, since I had off work, that I slept? Oh yes. And some damn good sleep that was. No drunken telephone calls, no older brothers naggin', and no younger brothers complainin' that ET is makin' noise in their closet. Just me, my pillow, and my blanket.

Me, my pillow and my blanket in my house where the A/C broke last night while I was at Momma and Sean's with the boys.

Murphy's law, right?

 

Today was...some kinda day. I rolled out of bed at 10:15, which is thirty minutes late for work, by the way. It seems that before Daddy went to the bar last night, he turned my alarm off in some drunken stupor. (Thank God we only live down the road from the bar on the corner, aptly named 'The Bar Down The Street,' he don't never have to drive.) He's always sayin' how I need more sleep, I never get enough. It kinda pisses me off when he tries to father me when he can't even take care of himself. But anyway, as soon as I walk in the door to Winn-Dixie, some guy knocks me over and my face ends up in the concrete. I see Jerry (he works the next register over from mine) rushin' out after him, and he tackles the guy. What he stole, I don't know. Nor do I care. So I spend until 11:00 fillin' out an incident report and cleanin' up the scrape on my cheek so I could open my register. And it must have been my name that came up on Karma's list of revenge this mornin', because I got all the fussy customers who complained about everything. One tried to tell my manager that I jipped her out of fifty dollars. Fifty dollars, are we serious?! So Adam looks over the receipt, and tells that old 80-year old bat to get outta his store and go get her damn eyes checked.

So I get home, only to find the house empty. I guess Dad's gone on one of his bar hoppin' sprees. He does this once or twice every two months, just about. So, fairly often? He's gone for two days, sometimes three. Whatever. It gives me a chance to clean up the beer cans and trash he leaves around the house. I can't wait for his next stint in AA. It'll make his eleventh.

Finn stopped over today, not long after I got showered. He turns 22, and the boy thinks he knows everything. (Got that girlfriend of his convinced he's adopted. I'll have to tell her otherwise.) When he saw the scrape on my cheek, he thought Daddy hit me in some drunken rage. (He's been known to throw punches when he drinks hard liquor.) I told him different, because it really wasn't what happened. He's forever tellin' me how stupid I am for takin' care of Dad. Says that if I didn't take care of him, that he'd have to stop drinkin' to take care of himself because he'd realize that nobody else would. Everytime he says that, I tell him that he's wrong. That Dad would figure he wasn't worth bein' taken care of and he'd drink himself to death.

And that's the truth.

Then Tuck called. Finn figures that since Tuck's oldest, he'll be able to talk some sense into me. He tried to get Cole to do it, but all Cole said was, "It's her life. She wants to waste it, let her." (Some supportive older brothers. What happened to takin' care of our elders?) So Tuck called, and gave me some grief about trying to fix Dad's life and not havin' one of my own. "You're 19," he says. "He's lived his life, you go make your own." He's 26 and he sounds about 35. But I have to give him credit -- Tuck tries to help, at least. He'll give me a few extra bucks here and there when he thinks I'm runnin' slim on cash flow. Which I usually am. Daddy goes through alcohol like a baby goes through diapers and formula, and he spends so much on it. By the time I get to the store, there's about half my check left to buy groceries and pay bills. I'm a cashier at Winn-Dixie, I don't make much more than minimum wage. The only way I'm makin' more is if I take a job as a mechanic down at Bo's Auto.

And I'm not doin' that again.

Finn, Cole and Tuck figure that I should just try to patch things up with Momma. And I ain't doin' that, either. Yeah, she's got money, but you know why? Momma's got herself a good man, I'll give her that. (She was real convincin' actin' suprised when Sean told her after the weddin' that his family was a bit wealthy. He didn't know that she already knew.) And Sean's a real nice guy. We get along, me and him. And she hates that we do. But me and Momma? Forget it. She barely acknowledges me as her child because I think she destroyed Daddy. And it's true. Momma's a cold-hearted bitch. My older brothers don't know why Momma and Daddy got divorced, which is why they don't understand what I'm doin'. I do, I found out a few years after the divorce. But the only one that knows I know is Momma.

But just because she disowned me as hers (she makes me call her Amelia, though I sometimes call her 'Momma' to piss her off more) she never denies my offers to help with the boys. AJ and Sean Junior and five (AJ) and six (Sean Junior). I drive them to their respective sports practices every week while Momma and Sean are at work, babysit if my older brothers can't do it.

And that's what I'm doin' now. I'm babysitting my baby brothers. It's late, of course, and the boys are in bed. Well, they were. AJ had a nightmare. I'm gonna go lay down with him, try to convince him that no, ET does not live in his closet. 

I can't believe Momma let them watch that.